THE CHANGE WE FEAR

^{Isn’t this strange? After all, most of us have transcended the age of the diaper and of crawling on all four without the pain of loss. It might have left deeper traces in our psyche, but I doubt that many would voluntarily agree to go back to that stage of development. Once we have spread our wings, we know what it feels like to fly, metaphorically speaking. We might have our wings clipped, and more than once, but the memory of flying is recorded in the cells of our brain and body – and we will long for that sensation. Yet, when it means leaving a relationship for us to grow, be it with an employer or a lover, we sometimes wait for a long time, stagnating in the old form rather than embracing the new possibilities that our being has to offer. Deep down we know that if we leave, we won’t be able to go back. We are closing a door and don’t know what to expect on the other side. I wonder if the caterpillar knows what to expect when it starts spinning its cocoon?}

If we can go back to flying – meaning that we regain our liberty of movement, our vision, our freedom - we will go on exploring those realms, advancing in our pursuit, eventually finding some new shape. However, if we feel captured in our box, unable to spread our wings for too long a time, we will get depressed, or sick, or both. People who cannot remember consciously what it feels like to be free, to follow the universal movement, seem to do it unconsciously. They look for ways to evolve. Eventually, they find them – unless they are unable to reach the light by themselves. In either case, pain in the form of an illness or disease (dis-ease = not being at ease) shows us that we are in a state of crisis. This can become apparent on a psychological level first, before it manifests in the physical body.Life crisis is what propels the transformational process forward. In visionary craniosacral work we can address the deeper causes of an illness to go beyond the symptoms and help the individual change and therefore heal.

^{I feel blessed when someone who has recognized he or she is in a crisis comes to my office. These clients are usually more eager to change something in their life than others who have not reached the apex yet and are still looking for a quick fix, an easy way out. These clients seem harder to work with, as their denial has to be addressed first. Sometimes, a change of therapy or therapist, or the interruption of therapy, are ways of trying to avoid the deeper problem – and the change that its (re)solution implies.}

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TRANSFORMATION

“Change is an integral characteristic of life; where there is life there is unending change.”(7) Nothing stays the same, everything changes. Why does something that sounds so sensible and obvious, once we start thinking about it – a reality expressed by multiple sages throughout history – create such havoc in our lives? I imagine that if we were able to go with the flow, these universal truths would be facts, not forces that could create whole new branches of consultant jobs (“corporate culture and organizational change”) and boost book sales with recipes on how to adapt to, on an individual level, or precede, on a corporate level, an ever faster changing environment. How does Webster Dictionary define change and transformation? “Change: To make or become different.  Transformation: implies a major change in form, nature, or function.”  The difference seems to be a matter of degrees, the latter implying a more profound shift. “Transformations… represent radical change, the quantum leap.” (8) I also think that transformation, like its somewhat more mystical synonym metamorphose (“to change strikingly the appearance or character of”(9)) is unidirectional: Once it has happened, there is no turning back. No becoming the old self again. Actually, the old and the new self might look completely different, as in the case of the caterpillar turning into a butterfly. However, change does not mean becoming someone else, but realizing some other aspect of one’s soul - the soul being much too multi-facetted to be manifested all at once in one shape. ”Because an atom, a  matter, a form is changed, does not mean that the essence, the source or the spirit of it has changed; only in its form of manifestations, and not in its relation with the first cause”. (10)

^{Nobody would expect a butterfly to trade its wings and its lightness to become a slow and in comparison rather plain looking caterpillar again. We know that once there is a cocoon, we have to say good-bye to the caterpillar’s manifestation. Strangely enough, we humans don’t seem to work quite the same way. Having no such obvious indication of an impeding transformation as a cocoon, we tend to cling to our old state and resist transformation. It seems so much safer to stay the way we are. But everything changes and so must we. Resistance to change, like the resistance to adapt to one’s environment, has a price that, in its physical form, is pain that can become unbearable unless dulled by drugs.} 

^{Physical transformation is common to all of mankind, it is a part of the process of growing up and older, of the normal life pattern. This process ought to be accompanied by psychological and spiritual growth, if we believe that spirit and mind precede the slower moving energies of the physical world. However, in a society lacking deeply anchored initiation ceremonies and rituals of change like ours, a society obsessed with youth and fearful of death (the final transformation in this lifetime), the mind and especially the soul are sometimes left behind, creating yet another discrepancy that puts our being under a considerable amount of stress.}

In the “I Ching”, the Chinese Book of Change, these symbols represent stagnation and change/revolution. [2]  [2]  "I Ching Cards”, Made in Switzerland by AGMULLER, distributed by U.S. Games Systems, Inc. Stamford, CT 06902 USA

^{A girl having her first period has begun the process of becoming a woman, the blood being the most visible sign of her transformation. She might not have a regular period, or sometimes – for different reasons – she might not have a period for a long time – but she won’t return to girlhood (on a physical level). This is a stage she has passed, the transformation has happened. Later on in her life, menopause will be a slower and somewhat less obvious shift, but it also will be irreversible (unless hormones are being administered from outside her body). Then of course death, if one believes in life after death or reincarnation, as the apotheosis of transformation, from a body-mind-spirit entity to a pure spiritual state. The body is left to decay, or is being burnt, there is no way to turn that situation around (mummification slows down the process, but doesn’t reanimate the body, in near-death experiences the soul seems to return back into the body which therefore does not have the time to start decaying). However, a new physical home for the soul can be created through reincarnation: a perfect transformation.}

^{In her book “Light Emerging” (11), Barbara Ann Brennan describes an interesting occurrence in the form of a seemingly increase in incarnations in the same body: The change of one’s life purpose and personality while continuing to live in the same body, a process that seems to take about two years and that, for obvious reasons, saves a lot of energy. According to her description of the phenomenon, this seems to be the kind of transformation I experienced three years ago. Imagine: Instead of getting old, dying, looking for new parents, being conceived, born, grow, become an adult again and so on, the soul goes from one life path to another while staying in one and the same incarnation! Talk about a metamorphose needing a minimum of energy!}

According to certain systems, evolutionary jumps occur every seven years throughout life. In her inspirational lectures on the “Natural Law” (12), based on Yogananda’s teachings, Rev. Eloise Page explains that at age five, when we undergo the first of these shifts, moving from babyhood to childhood. We start going to school, we experience the first feelings of responsibility; on a biochemical level, our tastes in food change. At twelve, we open the door to adolescence; the changes in the body chemistry are the most noticeable, new feelings  and thoughts arise, emotionally we are on a roller-coaster ride. At 19, adulthood commences, we focus on education, on independence and become more responsible and somewhat subdued. At age 26, we root ourselves, possibly in marriage, with children and a home; emotionally we become more stable. We enter the spiritual cycle at age 33, where we evaluate the believe systems we were brought up with and make adjustments; we also come into a sense of individuality. Life begins at 40! We come into the fullness of our talents and capabilities, we are reaching out for fulfillment; the hormonal changes have an effect upon our outlook, our actions, our sensitivity; we might feel frustrations because of certain goals we haven’t reached; we possibly need new stimuli; if we manage to harness these energies and channel them toward new objectives, we may come to a new stage of enlightenment. And these cycles go on throughout our entire life.  This also explains why it would be quite an illusion to believe that because we have just gone through a transformational process, which might have been painful, we are fine and can rest on our laurels!

^{Although some people put their every thought and effort toward “security”, there is no such thing as stagnation in the universe. Energy flows incessantly, gives us impulses, propelling us forward. It would be an illusion to believe or even so much as hope to stop growing one day, to no longer have to struggle or press against the barriers, to no longer have to develop… Again and again there are new octaves of higher truth, of greater dimensions. (13)}

^{Visible change has a certain rhythm, like nature, but in fact, shifts occur constantly, often unnoticeably, like the reproduction of our cells. Trying to stop the evolutionary process however means creating new pain, hence the importance of staying in the flow. This corresponds to the “discoveries” of modern science:  In his books “The Tao of Physics” (14) and “The Turning Point” (15), Fritjof Capra, a physicist and Berkley professor, explains how quantum physics emphasizes the “becoming” instead of the “being”, the process instead of the solid substance.}

So, if transformation is a normal part of our lives, why make such a fuss about it? – If you have been working in a large corporation lately, you know what sums of money and what energy are being invested in consultants and programs to make people and ultimately the corporations themselves change (change management for the management of change…). Although I doubt that the intention of such change would be to let employees grow wings! – We seem reluctant to change. It is frightening not to know how it will feel to be in a cocoon. And the outcome is also uncertain: Are we going to be a lovely colorful butterfly or a dull and unwanted moth? How are we supposed to know – and even if we did, could we trust that knowledge and hand the steering wheel over to fate? Most of us like to be in control – transformation for a large part defies our willpower as to a definite and pre-defined outcome. (On the other hand, willpower can be a big aid in staying with the process, even if it hurts, and coming out of it truly transformed by the experience.) “That is the great struggle…: You erroneously believe that what is most obnoxious to you is you. This, at the same time, is the cause for the great resistance, inherent in all human beings, against changing. For, since you do not believe that you can essentially be anything else but that which you dislike, you have to hold on to it nevertheless, because you do not wish to cease existing.” (16)

^{Here we have quite a dilemma. Not only are we afraid of the transformational process and its outcome, but we also believe that we will not get any better – even though we don’t think much of ourselves to start with!}

At this point I would like to mention an interesting model for transformation developed by Carol Person. In her book “The Hero Within” (17),  she explains how, throughout life, we evolve from the archetype of the Innocent to the archetype of the Orphan, on to the Martyr, the Warrior, the Wanderer, until we turn into the Magician. Each archetype possesses its own characteristics. We usually live two or more of the archetypes at once, however, one dominates. The stage of childhood corresponds to the archetype of the Innocent represented by the “Fool” in the Tarot. As we grow up, we gain knowledge, lose some of our innocence and move towards the archetype of the Orphan, to perhaps become a Wanderer later. Some people tend to stay stuck mainly in one archetype. For instance, the typical housewife in her role half a century ago – in many cultures this still is the case; that is what women’s movements are mainly fighting against – spends a major part of her life as a Martyr. We know what happens when her children leave the house and her husband looks for excitement elsewhere. The typical man, especially the businessman, defines himself as an archetypal Warrior – he tends to wear himself out and end up with high blood pressure and maybe a cardiac arrest, or cluster headaches. The Magician, the shape-shifter who, through his imagination, creativity and willpower creates his reality represents the apotheosis. However, even if we reach that stage, we do not stay there, but go back to other archetypes. This is not a regression, but evolution in a spiral. We become the Innocent again on a higher level.

^{This is obviously a more complex explanation of the transformations that take place in a lifetime than the caterpillar and the butterfly. I do not think that one excludes the other though, in my opinion they are complementary. For instance, before we shift from a Martyr to a Warrior, we most probably experience a life-crisis. Take the example of the housewife who sees the meaning of her life evade her when her children leave and she possibly finds out about her husbands extra-marital affairs…She will probably go through a “dark night” of the soul, before she turns the situation around, goes out there to look for a job, emancipates herself financially and also emotionally and turns from a Martyr into a Warrior, possibly; a stronger woman who stands up for her rights. Will she ever go back to who she was before? She could not, even if she wanted to – she has uncovered another aspect of her soul and finds herself on a different level of the evolutionary spiral.}

^{The typical midlife crisis as experienced by men seems to be an attempt to stop growth by clinging to some past that needs to be let go of: Wisdom is calling, not the follies of youth. By refusing to surrender to evolution, we create havoc in our life and for those closest to us. This touches another important aspect of life changes: They not only affect the person directly involved, but also those close to him or her. When one makes an energetic shift, which will be translated in physical life as well, the people in proximity will feel a change; they will not be able to continue with their business as usual, but will have to adapt in some way. The husband of a housewife and mother who emancipates herself after 25 years of dutiful service cannot continue expecting the same behavior of his wife. This means he has to change his ways as well, possibly sharing in household chores, and most probably being faced with a woman who speaks her mind, when before, she might have tried to adapt to his opinion. Her children will also notice that something is different with their mother. She might stop pampering them and expect them to take their share of responsibility. They can welcome the change in their mother, or they may wish she had stayed her “good old self”. Whatever the reaction, the nature of the relationship will alter and the children will have to take a few more steps towards adulthood. The most visible transformation of the mother will therefore have instigated new developments for her husband, their children, and in turn for those close to them. Like a stone dropped in a pond: Where it falls, the rings are the most visible, but the growing circles, although less perceptible, will reach the shores of the water body eventually, therefore affecting the whole pond. Although we mostly feel separated from others, we are all connected, so if one part of the web moves, the others will do so too.}

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 ^CRISIS

Crisis and transformation are therefore intimately linked. Change can occur with a minor crisis, but we tend to produce major ones to really change direction, or rise from the abyss.  “Crisis is an attempt of nature to effect change through the cosmic lawfulness of the universe. If change is obstructed by the ego, the part of the consciousness that directs the will, crisis will occur to make structural change possible. … Every crisis ultimately means such a readjustment, whether it appears in the form of pain, difficulties, upheaval, uncertainty, or merely the insecurity that comes from starting out on unaccustomed ways of living after giving up a familiar one.  Crisis in any form attempts to break down old structures based on false conclusions and therefore on negativity. Crisis shakes loose ingrained, frozen habits so that new growth  becomes possible (18).

The guide talks extensively about crisis in the “Pathwork of Self-Transformation”. Joseph Campbell, in “Power of Myth”, has this to say: “One thing that comes out in myths is that at the bottom of the abyss  comes the voice of salvation. The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes light.” (19) According to Webster Dictionary, crisis is the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever; a paroxysmal attack of pain, distress, or disordered function; an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person's life; the decisive moment (20).  If, like the Magician, we recognize the need for transformation and the opportunities that change brings along, if we go with the flow, the crisis preceding change might be minor. However:  “When necessary change is not accepted willingly, you automatically put yourself into a state of crisis. The intensity of the crisis indicates the intensity of the opposition, as well as the urgency of the need for change. The greater the need for change, and the greater the obstruction to change, the more painful the crisis is going to be.“  (21) This also means that if we willingly let go of old negative believe systems and ideas to discover new ones that ultimately serve us better, we do not need to suffer through the descent into hell and the ascent to the light. This is also what I observe in my practice: People who are willing to change – even if it means giving up their old lifestyle, social and marital status, material wealth – are able to heal themselves with less pain and trouble. Others who hold on to what they have, to what represents security to them, suffer more and longer.

The more proactive  we are – meaning that we move ahead on our own initiative, somewhat like the rider on the card “The Wagon”, instead of waiting to be pushed forward by life– the less likely a crisis is to occur. After all, we create our reality, we look for the necessary challenges that will make us grow. So if we take the reins in our hands and move on, we avoid stagnation. There is no boil forming, which in turn would need to erupt – the paroxysm of the crisis – for the situation to turn around. It takes courage to consciously create one’s own life, the courage to act, and the courage to let go, whatever is appropriate at the time. How often do we try to escape a test, believing that by putting the head in the sand, we will avoid an issue? This only postpones the necessary decisions, and gives the boil time to form… The growing pains will be worse than if we had made the move. I believe there are no mistakes in life – the important is to decide and go on, which can mean wait, but do so consciously, not out of cowardice. Life does not reward the ostrich behavior. Not because it wants to be mean, but because we try avoiding the lesson and therefore evolution, which is what life is about. Going against life and the universal currents will hurt and is ultimately impossible.

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^{Visionary Craniosacral Work}

Why address life crises with visionary craniosacral work? This work is based on cranial osteopathy and therefore partly explainable on a physical level.  Technically, it is about the delicate sensing of cranial bones and the sacrum. It has to do with improving the flow of the cerebrospinal fluid and optimizing the cranial wave. By affecting the brain and the spine, it influences the nervous system, therefore the whole body. But craniosacral work goes deeper: It is energy work. Elusive, mysterious and subtle, difficult to explain in words. The effects, however, can be tremendous and manifold. It affects the whole human being, the dreambody: the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies or aspects of a being. The state of consciousness of the practitioner is more important than the method, secondary in my view. Visionary craniosacral work allows the practitioner to be fully involved in the process, to be present, to use her touch as well as her inner ear and the eye that “sees clouds a thousand miles away”.  This work comes from the heart, and that makes it so effective. A practitioner that opens her heart allows the client to get in touch with the divine - unconditional love. This is the ultimate healing power!

^{Visionary craniosacral work ought not to make the client dependent, but empower him instead. It resembles a dance of two souls and one is not always sure of who is leading and who is being led. (There may be more souls involved, actually, in particular when we call in the guides to help us during a session; sometimes the room is crowded with entities working together!) Both client and therapist have their part to play. The therapist cannot be a “God in White” who talks to his patient in incomprehensible jargon and makes him feel exposed and powerless. Quite the opposite: Successful treatment depends on the therapist’s ability to create an atmosphere of trust and to communicate on a deeper level with his client.}

^{Moreover: We cannot heal others – the client has to heal himself. We can facilitate his process, but he needs to go through the transformational process, evolve and come out of the experience with a greater knowledge of himself, whole, healed.}

^{Healing, on the other hand, is an active and internal process that includes investigating one’s attitudes, memories, and beliefs with the desire to release all negative patterns that prevent one’s full emotional and spiritual recovery. This internal review inevitably leads one to review one’s external circumstances in an effort to recreate one’s life in a way that serves activation of will – the will to see and accept truths about one’s life and how one has used one’s energies; and the will to begin to use energy for the creation of love, self-esteem and health.(24)}

^{Visionary craniosacral work does not demand the strict adherence to a protocol - it is an art. One technique, the right one at the right time, can be enough to open the door into other dimensions. Its magic lies in the imaginative, creative, intuitive aspects of the work. It can be a journey into the sacred, the most profound of the client and the practitioner alike. It might take the client back to his childhood miseries, birth traumas, or even into archaic wounds or systems of condensed energy that are connected to other lifetimes. Unlike science, craniosacral work is not reproducible; a valid reason for the scientific mind to distrust or dismiss it. However, to the objective observer, the results should be proof enough.}

Craniosacral work does not so much address the symptoms as is goes back to the cause or causes. By the way, I do not think that every client needs to be “cured” for the treatment to end successfully. Healing exceeds the medical cure and makes sense to the client, not necessarily to anyone else: Accepting one’s illness could mean healing, facing death with open eyes could be exactly what this soul needs; after all, death is the ultimate crisis – and transformation – in this lifetime. Healing means becoming whole, reconnecting with one’s soul, finding a balance and being able to go on with the assembled energy of the whole being, with trust in life and its processes, instead of experiencing energy blockages, feelings of defeat, fear. Sometimes, it is under the most adverse conditions that the soul finds its way to God, the unity, and ceases being torn apart by inner conflicts. Some people radiate from out of their wheelchair. Others welcome death with open arms and a smile.   Death in the tarot: major changes ahead The process of death itself is such a crisis that brings about the ultimate transformation.

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^{Symptom interpretation}

Symptoms are the beginning of healing, not, as traditional psychiatry postulates, the beginning of an illness or disease. We all are marked by traumatic experiences; these accumulate until the cup is full, until the organism cannot take any more and has to free itself. This only is possible through making the traumas conscious and expressing them, or through psychosomatic manifestations that bring them to the surface. The external appearance is a mirror of what we are carrying inside and that rises from our depths. (25). Stanislav Grof developed his view of symptoms throughout his many years of practice as a psychiatrist who went beyond the paradigm of his profession and time. Some of the experiences he describes so vividly resemble what happened in sessions and during meditations I have had myself or I have witnessed; experiences difficult to describe to others, as they seem so “out there”. They are very real to the person living them, though.

^{I do not work much with Grof’s birth matrixes myself (yet). I share Thorwald Dethlefsen’s view that the birth process is a condensed version of the life to come, not so much the cause per se of our traumas as a representation of the issues we bring with us that we want to address in this particular lifetime (26). However, I have observed in myself how it affects my present life when I can relate themes of it to those of other lifetimes. It assists greatly in undoing knots and getting rid of unnecessary baggage. In a month long seminar with Chris Griscom at the Light Institute in Galisteo, I had the opportunity to work on issues I have difficulties with in this life by addressing them in other lifetimes, a truly enlightening experience!}

^{The German psychologist Thorwald Dethlefsen and the physician Ruediger Dahlke wrote a very interesting and comprehensive best-seller about the interpretation of symptoms: “Krankheit als Weg” (27), which translates roughly into “illness as a path”. In their view, every symptom has a deeper meaning: It communicates important messages from the soul. In a sequel called “ Krankheit als Sprache der Seele“ (28) (illness as the language of the soul), Ruediger Dahlke goes even more into the detail of many different symptoms. Every time I am ill, I consult these books to find out more about the deeper causes – I also use them to get a more encompassing picture of my clients and their diseases.}

^{In regard to the chakra system, Caroline Myss’ Book “Anatomy of the Soul” (29) is a big help in relating the soul centers to life issues. My first impression, however, is always intuitive and therefore the most important one, as it applies to the person on the table - to life, not theory. I think that while different areas and parts of the body have their energetic charges, every individual is different. Most of us seem to have a week spot, where we are most likely to be affected if something is wrong in our lives – the week link that breaks first when under stress. I believe that this spot is connected to traumas in other lifetimes (whether called archaic wound, COEX - system of condensed experience -, or energy cyst) and closely linked to our life style and to the task we have chosen in this incarnation.}

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^{Case Studies}

^Daniel

^{Daniel, 40, felt the need for change in his life. He had been working for the same corporation in a similar position in the same department for over ten years. Daniel was not satisfied with his situation anymore. Then his girlfriend left him, after eight years of living together. His world broke into pieces, even though he knew that this relationship was not what he had dreamed of and he had not invested much energy into it. Daniel became depressed, could hardly get out of bed to go to work (he had always been a night bird, but had learned to make an asset out of it, being able to work until late at night or even around the clock when necessary). But now he came to work even later, was not efficient. Above all, he felt the need to empty his heart.}

^{That is how he became my first regular client. Working in the same company as the head of the communications department, I was also some sort of counselor for many who felt the need to talk to someone about problems at work or at home. When Daniel told me his story, I realized that being in an important transition myself, from a member of top management to a body worker, I could help him better by using my newly acquired tools. So Daniel and I started working together. He not only had his depression to get over, but also a smoking habit that he wanted to quit. Physically, he suffered from lumbar disc injuries that would put him to bed for days after strenuous exercises.}

^{During our weekly or bi-weekly sessions, Daniel would talk a lot. I felt more like a psychotherapist at times than like a craniosacral therapist. However, in the short period of a month, his mood had improved considerably. After two months, he was starting to go to bed earlier and getting up earlier as well as to improve his diet. His need to smoke diminished. His back had improved so much that he could ride on his motorbike for a week and go to work the day after without pain, something he had not been able to do in years. Daniel was in the process of transforming himself and it was beautiful to watch him becoming conscious of his patterns and hearing him express his wish to change some of them, his relationship to authority – his father especially, but also his boss – and with women being two major ones. He realized that ultimately he had to modify his view of himself, if he wanted to see the world through different eyes.}

^{It seemed to me that we made beautiful progress; however, Daniel tended more and more often to miss appointments. At first, I let it pass – I was still new at this job, working mostly with friends and acquaintances and had not any set business rules yet. At one point I commented on what was becoming a habit of his, one that seemed to be about avoiding to dig deeper into himself (my suggestion to meditate regularly was met with interest, but not carried through, for instance).  He stated that he wished to see me regularly, once a week, but he came once every two weeks at the most. He wanted to stick to his own rules, just like he wanted to quit smoking. Both would work for a while, until he would fall back into his pattern and look for evasion (his own words).}

^{When doing hands on work, I had started by concentrating on his sacrum and his psoas muscle to alleviate his back pain. At the beginning of our therapy, the pelvis felt like a heavy rock. After a few sessions, it started to become alive, the cranial wave getting stronger. This physical symptom was taken care of in a matter of a few months. When I felt it would be time to do some intra-oral work (i.e. smoking habit which he cursed, and therefore a sensitive area), because I felt a lot of pent up tension in his jaw, I met resistance. Daniel felt bad about letting me work on his tight mandible, where I felt a lot of withheld emotions. We talked about this and he started to slowly open up. Only to a certain point, though.}

^{He failed to show up for appointments, until the day, when I felt that I came up against the same wall of resistance again, I told him that he would have to make up his mind: Was he seeing me because it was pleasant – sometimes I would give him a massage, sometimes he only wanted to talk, sometimes we did craniosacral work – or because he wanted to work on himself? Both were fine with me. But I urged him to make up his mind and let me know, so we could determine an objective and a path – meaning a certain frequency and regularity in treatments, or decide that it was for his pleasure and well being and he could come whenever he felt like it. It seemed to me, however, that it was important for him to be conscious of his choice. He affirmed that he wanted to work on himself with me, not with another therapist, as he trusted me.}

^{Daniel took over a month to contact me again. Meanwhile he had started to think about taking massage lessons himself. He also resigned from his position and founded his own company. He still was not sure about what he wanted to do with me. He felt very grateful for the progress he had made, but confused as to our relationship. Was he to consider me as a friend or as a therapist? I tried to make it clear that while at my office, I was a therapist and it would help to keep that distinction clear. Daniel still could not make up his mind, so we made another appointment three weeks later. When the time came, he did not show up, and he did not call to cancel the appointment either. Knowing that to be a typical behavior of his, I waited. About two months later, I still had not heard from him, so I phoned him. Daniel felt bad about not having contacted me, he felt bad about having to talk to me (authority) and the conversation seemed an utterly unpleasant experience to him. I tried to give him the opportunity to look at this typical behavior of his, addressing it to help him find new ways of dealing with similar situations. I realized that Daniel was not ready to face this mirror.}

^{This was the last contact I have had with my first client - unfortunately, in my eyes. I felt that we had both been triggering each other: Me by holding him accountable; Daniel by showing me that I needed to be clearer about my boundaries and that I also had to have the courage to open up and speak my truth, even if I was reluctant to do so. He and successive encounters made me realize that everybody advances at his or her own speed, that I’m not the measuring stick and my task is not to push people to where they are not ready to be. I wish Daniel and I had had a closing session, eye to eye, instead of on the phone, because I do believe that we were both in each others lives during an important transitional period, and this, as such, is very valuable to me.}

^{Symptom interpretation}

<sup>Disk injuries:

In his book “Krankheit als Sprache der Seele” (30), Rudiger Dahlke compares the spine to a snake. According to his study of oriental wisdom, the serpent symbolizes growth and development (which imply change). The development takes the snake away from the earthbound (physical realm) into the air (spiritual realm). The same applies to the spine, in this explanation. Because the spine is constituted from the bony vertebrae and the jelly-like disks encapsulated by tough fibres, it also symbolizes the balance of the masculine (hard) and the feminine (soft); stability and flexibility.  Conscious physical stress and emotional and spiritual - often unconscious - stress, burden our disks (in Dahlke’s opinion, unconscious burdens create problems more than the conscious ones). They try to adapt to the pressure – stepping in for the individual that fails to adapt his lifestyle instead – until it gets too much and something breaks or bursts. The result may be a herniated disk.</sup>

^{As the legs are often affected in disk injuries, first charka issues come into play.  Being grounded, standing up for oneself, standing straight, and the theme of advancing are involved. The stiff, upright patient shows a lack of flexibility and adaptability, often also too much pride, in his position. Inflexible structures and exaggerated honesty govern his life. Moderation, balance and modesty are strangers to him. His soldier-like frankness appears forced, though, not genuine. The task of such people is to transform this constantly demonstrated forthrightness (in German: Aufrichtigkeit) into a deeper integrity (Geradlinigkeit) and honesty towards oneself. They also need rest. Often they do too much to gain appreciation and appraisal from the outside, because there is an inner lack of it. Instead of covering this feeling of inferiority with so much effort, it would be wise to learn to live a more peaceful life and let go of the burdens. “Feelings of inferiority push one to doing instead of being – to performing and take on heavier burdens than one can carry. The secret lies in accepting and loving oneself.”(31) A wide-spread difficulty, and Daniel’s too.}

^{In his case, this seems also related to his ambiguity towards authority/father figures; he craves their approval and rebels against them at the same time. It is looking for love in the wrong place. Love cannot be gained or deserved; true love – as represented by the love of the mother towards her child – is unconditional. The love of oneself is essential to being able to love unconditionally and therefore being loved in the same way. And this is definitely a big issue for Daniel.}

^{The lower back also has to do with 2nd charka issues like sexuality and creativity. In my experience, people with low back pain tend to deny their sexuality, to block their sexual impulses or to control and rationalize them. In a society that has not found a balance between Puritanism and pornography, it doesn’t surprise that so many suffer from symptoms in their lower back. Daniel did have a hard time opening up to his girl-friend sexually; he was also uncomfortable with me doing intra-oral work.}

<sup>Depression:

In my view, depression is neither an emotion nor a feeling. It could be called suppression, as it constitutes a state of mind in which one unconsciously tries to cover up feelings and emotions one does not feel ready to face. Guilt and anger, sometimes with an underlying sadness, seem to boil under the cover of depression quite frequently. These low vibration energies could be transformed by making them conscious, looking at them, getting them to move through one, instead of keeping the smoldering in the shadow, the unconscious. By not being willing to accept the painful, the client with depression also eliminates higher vibrations, joyful emotions. As my psychotherapist kept repeating: You cannot have one without the other!</sup>

^{What most of us tend to do is avoid or deny the seemingly “negative” emotions of fear, anger, and sadness as a shortcut to “positive” feelings of happiness and compassion. But there is no route to true joy and compassion except through the prior emotions, and all we get without the experience of fear, anger, and sadness are cheap imitations of joy and compassion – pleasantness and sentimentality. (32)}

^{Depression is a refusal to live, a denying of life and the life-force within us. It represents a violation of the soul and is unbearable in the long-run, lest dulled by drugs.}

The last time I talked to him, Daniel had not completely emerged from the cocoon yet. I hope that he will do so in his time, and that by then, Daniel will be able to look into the mirror and smile at what he sees. Nevertheless, the back pain is gone, he can do sports normally again, he has come out of his depression, he an environment that did not suit him anymore, started his own company and took up massage as a new addition to his life. He changed the look of his apartment, quit smoking for weeks or months at a time and started dating women again. His relationship with his father improved remarkably. All this occurred in about one year.

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^Adam

^{Adam, 57, came to see me five times altogether. He was also a colleague from work - head of a department - and I was quite surprised when he called me to make an appointment, although also very happy about it. Adam had been diagnosed with chronic leukemia. His doctor had given him about six months to live. He was getting chemotherapy weekly and he also consulted a psychologist at the hospital every two weeks.}

^{Adam looked like he was not going to hold on to life for much longer: very pale and tired, and he had lost weight. When he showed up at my office the first time, he could hardly walk up the stairs – he seemed exhausted and out of breath. I had the impression upon seeing him that he would be my introduction to death, a realm I had hardly been confronted with until then. When he exposed his situation, I was touched by his openness, knowing him to be rather reserved in a professional environment.}

^{When I touched his sacrum for the first time, however, I was surprised: His sacrum behaved like that of a young and healthy man, his cranial wave telling me “I want to live!” My intention instantly changed: From wanting to help him in his transition, it shifted to getting him well again. I advised Adam to tell his doctor that he was receiving energy work, as this might help him reduce the dosage of the drugs he had to take.}

^{I paid a lot of attention to his sphenoid that had a torsion lesion and appeared to my inner eye like a white dove with a broken wing. I told him about that image and asked him about the role of spirituality in his life. He happened to be writing a paper on Islam at that same time and told me about his extensive knowledge of the Christian religion. But he was aware that his interest in religion so far had been of a more intellectual rather than spiritual nature. I asked him to consider this and reflect upon the possibility of connecting religion with his feelings and gave him a list of books that could help him bridge that gap.}

^{When I told Adam that his sphenoid was telling me “I love the money, but I hate the job”, he confirmed that he disagreed with the way the company was run, while at the same time needing the income. Adam also realized that his youth had not been an easy one. Being born during World War II in Nazi Germany and having spent a year in a prisoners’ camp in France as a little child had left traces. Also, the marriage with and the divorce from his former wife had taken a toll. However, he considered himself to be a lucky man and was proud of his achievements.}

^{In the course of a few sessions, Adam changed noticeably. People who had to do with him at work commented to me about how he had changed, so that they hardly recognized him. He had lost his hair because of chemotherapy, but gained some weight, he regained his color and he looked like a different man: charming, alive – and able to express his feelings, even at work! I was amazed by his sudden transformation. His doctor lowered the dosage of his medication to about half and instead of increasing, his leucocytes decreased noticeably. Adam could not only walk up the stairway to my office easily, he also picked up downhill skiing again, his favorite sport that he had feared he would never be able to resume again.}

^{During sessions, I repeatedly saw the color red and I would visualize it as long as it seemed appropriate. I did not know what it meant at the time, but told Adam to wear red clothes more often and to perhaps decorate his desk with a bunch of red flowers. He answered that as a matter of fact, he had just bought red tulips for the office. During our last session together, I had a vision of Adam running through a field of red poppies towards the sea. It was full of light, life and joy de vivre. Later, I read in Barbara Ann Brennan’s book “Hand of Light” (33) that the visualization of red is used in the treatment of leukemia.}

Adam’s successor was finally found, after a few too busy months at work. Adam could now let go of the heavy responsibilities. He invited me to his farewell party, where he thanked his successor and me for saving his life. The former because he had taken that heavy burden off him, me because of my “magic hands”, as he put it. His public acknowledgement of craniosacral work deeply moved me. “A year later, Adam was still working, but as an independent consultant. Two years later, I received a postcard from   Australia signed Adam in which he expressed his hope that I was doing as well as he was! It still makes me happy to think about the deeply moving sessions with him.

^Leukemia

^{Cancer represents the small entity that is not under control anymore, but is detaching itself from the bigger entity it is part of and starts acting according to its own interests, forgetting the interests of the bigger unit and ultimately threatening its life. It seems to forget that by doing that, it eliminates its host, and therefore its own life. It shows us on a human scale what we are doing on a global one by the way in which we exploit our host, planet earth. We are the cancer of this planet (29), as Thorwald Dethlefson puts it. Therefore, cancer has to do with a refusal to live in accordance with a bigger law, subordinating one’s immediate interests to that of a bigger entity. By denying that it is part of a unity, the cell negates its connection to the source. Religion (re-ligio, reconnection to the origin, the unity), is an issue here. The ultimate questions “where do I come from” and “where am I going” have sunken from the conscious into the unconscious, the shadow, to eventually be manifested on a physical level as a life-threatening disease.}

^{This interpretation corresponds with my vision of a white dove with a lame wing that I saw repeatedly when working on Adam’s sphenoid. The dove, representing spirituality, wanted to take off, but could not because of its left wing that was hanging down powerlessly. On the other hand, Adam felt he had to subordinated himself to the company, although he was against the course taken, therefore denying himself. The torsion lesion of his sphenoid showed me that his loyalty was all twisted up. His body expressed the conflicting loyalties and revolted against the oppression his mind and his fears told him he needed to endure.}

^{I believe that his decision to take his life back into his own hands, to emancipate himself emotionally from a company he had grown with, combined with chemotherapy and craniosacral work helped him regain his life power. Adam taught me not to have preconceived notions about the development of a therapeutic process, nor about a human being as such! Had I not been ready to abandon my thought forms about Adam and his disease, I could not have allowed the rapid change that took place and Adam would have had to look for another therapist, or do the healing on his own.} 

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